Advice

Coping When a Sibling Has a Serious Illness

August 30, 2024

When a sibling is diagnosed with a serious illness, it can feel like your world has turned upside down. Naturally, the focus will shift to your sibling’s immediate needs and this can leave you feeling overshadowed and maybe a little left out. It is important to acknowledge these feelings and find healthy ways to cope during this challenging time.

The Emotional Rollercoaster

Dealing with a sibling’s illness can trigger a whirlwind of emotions: fear, sadness, anger and even jealousy. You might feel guilty for experiencing jealousy when your sibling needs so much care and attention, but these feelings are normal! Recognising and validating your emotions is the first step toward managing them. You’ll likely feel a great deal of sadness and uncertainty when you think about the future and what it holds for your sibling and your family – it’s going to be a tough journey, but there are many ways to help yourself through it.

Feeling Pushed Aside

One of the most challenging aspects of having a seriously ill sibling can be the feeling of being pushed aside. Parents, understandably overwhelmed by the demands of managing medical appointments, treatments and the emotional toll of the illness, might inadvertently neglect your needs which can leave you feeling isolated and maybe not as important as your sibling. Try and remember that your feelings are valid, and finding a constructive outlet to express them is essential.

Communicating How You Feel

Keeping lines of communication open with your family is always a good start. Share your feelings with your parents, letting them know how the situation is making you feel as they may not realise how much you are struggling, or how you are feeling. Sometimes simply being heard can alleviate some of the emotional burden you are carrying – lean on friends, other family members, or our support team for support.

A lot of the young people we talk to don’t feel able to discuss things with family members, either for cultural reasons or because they feel they’re “making things worse”; whilst we do encourage those chats at home, sometimes it isn’t easy and talking to someone outside your immediate family can also provide a fresh perspective and much needed emotional relief. Many communities or hospitals offer support groups for siblings of seriously ill children, providing a safe space to share experiences and feelings with others who understand.

Finding Balance

It is important to maintain a sense of normality in your life, even during times where nothing really feels very normal at all. Engage in activities that bring you joy and provide a mental break from the stress at home; pursue hobbies, spend time with friends and focus on your personal goals. Self-care is not selfish, it’s necessary. Ensure you’re getting enough sleep, eating well and exercising, and small self-care routines like journaling or practising mindfulness can also help manage stress.

Appreciate the Small Moments

During these tough times, try to recognise and appreciate small positive moments; whether it’s a good day for your sibling or maybe a personal achievement, celebrating these little victories can provide emotional relief and hope – whilst it can feel really strange to feel proud or happy when your brother or sister is ill, allowing yourself to smile is certainly nothing to feel ashamed of.

Finding Purpose

Sometimes, finding purpose in a difficult situation can make it easier to cope. You might find comfort in supporting causes related to your sibling’s illness or volunteering, or maybe starting a blog or podcast is the thing for you. This sense of purpose can help you feel more in control, and give you an outlet to deal with everything else that’s going on.

Nobody can deny that coping with a sibling’s serious illness is an emotional challenge, but it is possible to navigate this journey with resilience and self-compassion. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, and making space for your own needs, you can take care of your emotional well-being during this challenging time – remember, you matter too, and it is okay to prioritise your health and wellbeing even during a family health crisis.