Advice

Feeling Guilty When a Parent Has Cancer

April 11, 2025

When a parent has cancer or another serious illness, you might experience many emotions – and, one of the most surprising ones can be guilt. You might feel guilty for many reasons, such as if you’re doing activities you used to do with your parent that they can no longer do, or if you’re doing other things rather than spending time with them; sometimes you might even feel guilty for feeling happy, or because you are healthy and they aren’t, or that you think you could have done more for them; you might also feel guilty that you didn’t have a better relationship with your parent, and if their prognosis isn’t good you might feel that anything you do now is just too late. 

Remember, these feelings are normal. However, it is important to remember that your parent probably would not want you to feel this way, they would still want you to enjoy your life and be happy wherever you can.

Here are some tips on how to manage feelings of guilt that you might find useful: 

Be kind to yourself 

Sometimes we can be very harsh on ourselves. If this was a friend who told you they feel this way, what would you tell them? Try to treat yourself with the same kindness you treat your friends. Also, remember that it is not your fault that your parent is ill – there’s nothing you could have done differently that would stop them from being sick. You are doing everything you can and you are only human.  

Talk 

Make sure to talk to someone about how you feel. You might want to talk with your loved one about it or with another family member, or a friend. You can also speak with one of our experienced wellbeing advisors. In our one-to-one sessions, we can help you work through the feelings of guilt and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Communication is important and sometimes help us realise that our worries and feelings were not based on facts.  

Organise your time 

Make sure you plan your time and allow yourself time to do things that you like as well as plan for spending time with your loved one if you wish. Schedule times in a planner or a calendar app on your phone where you will relax and unwind, do activities and hobbies that you like and perhaps plan on doing things with your loved one if they are able to do so. 

Have balance 

It is important that you have balance in your life and still allow yourself to enjoy your hobbies and favourite activities. It can be hard to think about doing other things when your mind is preoccupied with the illness of your loved one, but doing enjoyable things can allow you to recharge and destress which can improve your mood. Being in a better mood can help you be more productive and so you can focus on other tasks you have to do.