Uncategorized
How to Support My Child Now That I Have a Diagnosis?
March 30, 2026
Receiving a diagnosis of cancer, MND, organ failure or other illness can be extremely difficult; the impact goes beyond the patient and, for children, finding out that their loved one is ill can be frightening, upsetting and confusing. Every child might react differently, and you know your child the best, but here are some tips that can help you support your child after receiving a diagnosis.
Telling your child
The first step in supporting your child when you have a serious illness is to have a conversation about it. This can often be one of the most difficult things to do, and something no parent wants to even think about. You might worry about upsetting your child and think it might be best if they don’t know about your illness – however, even very young children can notice that something is wrong, picking up on your behaviours or body language, or overhearing conversations. Without knowing what is going on, children can think about worst-case scenarios, which can lead to anxiety and feelings of distrust and exclusion.
We recommend having an honest but age-appropriate conversation with your child; use language that is understandable, informing them that you have an illness and what they can expect to happen next. Try and avoid vague terms like “sick” – this can cause confusion if a school classmate or sibling says they feel sick, as your child might think it’s the same thing. If you don’t know the next steps, or when things are going to happen, it’s perfectly OK to say that. You don’t need to have all the answers, you just need to be in it together!
We recommend having this conversation in a safe space and allowing some time for it, as the child might want to ask further questions. If you have more than one child we recommend telling them together and, for younger children, revisit the conversation a few days later to check their understanding.
Reassuring the child about their safety
For a child, a parent is a source of safety and comfort, and hearing about their illness can cause them to feel scared and uncertain. Depending on your child’s age and level of understanding, they might worry that you might die, that there will be no one to care for them, or that they might get ill too. They might feel your illness is their fault if they’ve been naughty.
Being honest about the situation, reassuring them and preparing them for any upcoming changes (eg hospital stays, altered schedules or potential impacts of treatment) can help them prepare emotionally.
Making space for their feelings
Your child might react in many different ways to finding out you are ill; they might become angry, sad, withdrawn, clingy or seem unaffected by it all, and that might change on a daily basis!
Allowing them to process the news on their terms, but offering them a safe space to express their feelings, can be extremely helpful. Some children might feel more comfortable talking with you about their feelings but some might struggle with it, and for some, other ways of expressing emotions can be more appropriate – activities such as drawing, playing, dancing, writing or sports can all help them express and process their feelings.
Some may not want to share their worries with you as they don’t want to cause you additional stress, so letting them know that they can always talk to you and making them feel heard and validated is important.
Keeping routines
For a child, routines can provide a sense of control in difficult situations; maintaining regular schedules wherever possible can provide a child with a sense of comfort – whilst it isn’t always feasible especially if treatment is taking it’s toll, trying to keep them engaged with their usual out of school activities can help give them some time to be themselves.
Some young people can find it difficult to concentrate at school when a parent is ill, but for some that daily routine can really help them stay grounded and in control. Let the school know about your diagnosis so they can put any additional support in place that’s needed, but remind your child that the normal rules about homework etc still apply!
Modelling healthy coping
Healthy coping does not necessarily mean being always positive and unaffected by what’s going on; showing your child that it is okay to experience different emotions and talk about them can be really healthy, as well as encouraging them to ask for help and take breaks to process their feelings. It’s OK to say you’ve had a difficult day, it’s OK to say it’s all a bit scary, and it’s OK to not know what’s going to happen next.
If they see you doing these things, they might feel more comfortable in expressing their own emotions and opening up about how they feel.
Additional help
Whilst you can put absolutely everything in place to support your child at home, some children just find it easier to talk to someone outside of the family. We offer one-to-one support sessions for children and young people aged 5-25 – you can find out more about our service here. We also have a more in-depth support guide for parents, and our blog post looks at how to tell your child that you have a terminal prognosis.
If you have an incurable cancer diagnosis, the Ruth Strauss Foundation offers free support to parents: Ruth Strauss Foundation.
