Advice

What Young People Wish Adults Understood About Their Grief

May 22, 2026

When a young person is facing the death of a loved one, or watching someone come to the end of their life, the adults around them naturally want to help. But grief doesn’t always look the way they expect. At Hope Support Services, we hear everyday from young people what it really feels like for them and, whilst everyone is different, there are a few things that come up regularly around what they wish adults would understand…

“Just because I look ok, doesn’t mean I am”

Young people can be incredibly resilient and can seem as though they are carrying on as normal, going to school, seeing friends and even laughing and joking. Often the adults around them assume this means they are coping well, but this isn’t always the case. A gentle check-in can make all the difference. Routine and normality is important, but so is acknowledgement of what has happened and making sure the young person has a safe place where they can express themselves.

“I need honesty, even when it’s hard”

So often, adults don’t tell the young person everything in fear of upsetting them or causing worry. However, being open and using clear, age-appropriate language helps young people feel included and safe. Not knowing, or feeling things are being hidden, can make situations overwhelming and lead to young people trying to find answers themselves, using Google and finding the incorrect information…

“My feelings change… A LOT!”

Grief can change very quickly. Young people might feel upset one moment and okay the next. This can change the older they get, but for most their emotions can be a rollercoaster; this is a natural part of how they process what’s happening, and not something that needs to be fixed.

“I might not want to talk, but I still need you there”

Not all young people want to talk about their feelings – some just need someone to be there. Simply being with them, without pressure, helps them feel supported in their own way and in their own time they may open up about how they feel.

“I’m not moving on; I’m just learning to live with it”

Grief doesn’t end. Grief changes over time and young people will carry it with them as they grow, often ‘puddle jumping’ in and out of it. This will change as they get older and learn to process it in different ways – remembering and acknowledging this can help them feel understood, especially if they’re worried that people might think they are forgetting their loved one by living their life and starting to do things again that they enjoy.

Supporting young people through grief

At Hope Support Services, we know there’s no perfect way to support a young person through serious illness and bereavement. But listening, being honest, and showing up consistently can help them feel less alone, both before and after loss. If you’re supporting a young person or would like to find out more about how we can help, please get in touch or visit our support page.