Advice
University vs Being There for an Ill Loved One
July 31, 2024
Deciding to attend university is an important choice, often filled with excitement, hope, and a touch of anxiety. However, when compared with the deep emotional weight of a loved one being seriously ill or dying, this decision suddenly becomes a lot bigger than the usual concerns of campus life, course selections, and future career aspirations. It can feel like every choice is loaded with emotional and practical implications, leading to one question – what should you do?
The Emotional Turmoil
The core of this decision can feel like an emotional battlefield; the guilt of potentially not being there during a loved one’s final moments can be overwhelming, and the desire to support, comfort, and cherish every remaining moment with them clashes against the desires for academic and personal growth that university promises – especially if going to uni is something you’ve been planning for years.
Balancing Responsibilities and Aspirations
On one hand, the university experience can be a pivotal stepping stone towards independence, educational enrichment, and career development – it’s a journey many have dreamed of and worked tirelessly to achieve, whilst for others it’s something that they always knew would be their next step in life. On the other hand, the feelings of responsibility to be present for a loved one during their most vulnerable time is equally compelling, so balancing these two significant aspects of life can feel like an impossible challenge.
The Pressure of Expectations
Family expectations add another layer of complexity; some family members might encourage attending university, viewing it as a necessary step for future success and a way to honour the hard work that has led to this opportunity, whilst others may feel that family comes first, urging you to stay close and provide support during the trying times. These differing viewpoints can lead to internal and external conflicts, further complicating the decision, or making it seem like the decision isn’t even yours to make.
Seeking Guidance
In such a turbulent time, seeking support is crucial. Universities often have counselling services that can provide guidance and emotional support, and speaking with family members, friends, and mentors can also offer diverse perspectives and help in making a more informed decision. It’s important to remember that this is not a decision that needs to be made alone.
Finding a middle ground may also be an option. Many universities offer deferred admission or part-time study options, allowing for a compromise that accommodates both academic pursuits and family obligations. Exploring these options can provide a sense of control and reduce the pressure of having to choose one path over the other.
No Right or Wrong Answer
Ultimately, there is no right or wrong decision in this scenario. The choice is deeply personal and dependent on individual circumstances, and the specific dynamics of each situation. What matters most is making a decision that aligns with your heart, acknowledging that either path comes with its own set of challenges and rewards – take your time, make self-care a priority, and think through all of the scenarios for each option.
If you are in this situation and want to talk to someone, Hope offers one-to-one support for young people up the age of 25 across the UK via Hope Online – as well as peer support groups where others may also have had to make this decision. Visit our support page to find out more.
